Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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