You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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