I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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