i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
