yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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