no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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