i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
