Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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