I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
