also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
well, you know. whores of a feather.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize