3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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