He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
