i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
