i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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