I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
