ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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