i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My life is pants optional.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
