sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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