this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
