I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
