I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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