Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
