I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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