i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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