it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am one with the molecules
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
