dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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