its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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