so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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