Pappa wants mamma naked
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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