I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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