He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
