so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
