you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
