Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
