i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
