Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
