Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
