haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize