I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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