I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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