I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
