Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
