Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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