I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
