i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
