I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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