I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sarcasm needs its own font
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
