I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
