You work out of a Hotel?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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