After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
