Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
