Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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