im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
