the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
