I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
