I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize