I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
