I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize