Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
