Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
