i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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