My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
