either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Your dad touched me again.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
