The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
