i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
