I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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