Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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