Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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