can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
