went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
