You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
