you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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