Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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