I wish my penis had an off switch
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
