You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
