Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
