I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
