I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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