You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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