Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
