we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
