We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
