C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
