I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
