So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
