I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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