this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
