You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
