I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
