my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
