the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
