I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
