Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
