I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
