Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
