It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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