What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
