if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
