why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
