I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
