I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
