Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
