I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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