Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
