He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
