If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize