Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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