I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry my hands just texted you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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