They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
